Should I go back even earlier?

 The idea of going back earlier somewhat excites me. Only because it would mean that I would be done faster. I am tired. I like my job in its flexibility, but I miss certain aspects of patient care. I don't miss inpatient care, but I miss knowing that I was actually making a tangible difference. My mindset has changed. Now that I realize that even changing the dosages on Metformin or titrating up the sliding scale insulin based on their current glucose - all of that makes a tangible difference in patient care. I am doing something. 

Don't get me wrong, I am doing something in my current role as a research coordinator. I just wish the pay were higher. I really need to stop being envious of my friends who are off doing amazing things as attendings. I don't know their life. Whether you make $200 per hour or $15, as long as you need a paycheck to work, you need to work for a living. I think about the kids thing again and part of me is like, if I finish residency and start making a high salary earlier, I could have adoptive kids. But we want to travel. We probably can't do that until the adoptive kids are perfectly ensconced in our care. Do I even want adopted kids or do I just want to appease my parents and society? 

When I picture the future, what excites me the most is the possibility of travel. My time out of residency has been full of travel. We went to 4 countries. We visited Philly and VA a few times. We went to Ohio to see my friend's opera. We travel. And I like that. 

If I do stay here, I could probably work at AGH instead of Pitt. They probably will be paying $300k by then. I am thinking way too ahead. I just hope and pray that it will all work out. Let me focus on what I need to do today. Right now, not much! I can reflect and think and plan. If we have enough PTO, I don't mind living in Pittsburgh. Last year we took 7 trips, I think. Orlando, Philly, Canada, VA, Philly/VA, DC, AC! Wow! A sufficient amount of traveling. 


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