The Transitional Years

 I came to Pitt to do child psych.  I wanted to be a child psychiatrist, but my bipolar disorder stopped me in my tracks. Is it meant to be? How do I balance living for the day with making plans for the future? Part of me expects to get disappointed because I am jaded. Life jaded me. I have a mustard seed of hope and apparently that's all you need. Just a little bit of faith that things will get better. I think a lot about what happened in residency. How I was more depressed than I realized because I had little actual insight to my disease. I learned to disconnect from it. It wasn't happening to me, it was the Mr. Hyde in me. I was going to be Dr. Osa, not Mrs. Benjamin, my manic depressive alter ego which bears some resemblance to the other Mrs. Benjamin - my mom. Even though she doesn't have bipolar disorder, boy did she go through her mood swings!!!! I'm no longer around her all the time, so I don't know what she's like now, but growing up, she was prone to e...

 I have 3 blogs from different parts of my life - my IB years from high school, my college years, a little bit of my post-bac year. Now, I am in the midst of my second going on to third "transitional" year. It's the time I make the transition from PGY1 to fingers crossed, back again for PGY1 in a few years. All I know is to expect the unexpected.  I think I forgot about these blogs because g-docs took over. I wrote single google docs during med school until I started writing "Freedom From Anxiety" when my anxiety was through the roof M3. I had a lot to be anxious about. I had found out that my boyfriend was emotionally cheating. I have to write emotionally cheating to make myself feel a tad bit better about it. Even though he swears he didn't do anything physical, it still haunts me....whenever I get triggered. I think I might keep "Freedom Journal" for now. With this blog, I will officially have my truth journal, Freedom journal and wordpress webs...